about being me. somehow I always think the next time will be different, if one thing changes, just one, then it'll be different. But it turns out that, in the end, nothing I can physically do, or try and communicate, matters in the end. Somehow it seems i'm back where I started, or I feel like i'm in somebody elses shadow and i have no chance of getting from under it. It really sucks when at one point you feel like you have nothing to offer because it seems that you are just not physically or emotionally available enough. Or worse you just wish you were somebody else, that somebody thought was amazing and meant the world too. I just want to have that feeling of pure, innocent, real love, fresh. I just feel like life got up and left me behind when I broke my back sometimes as well. I just miss trying things, and miss doing so many things.†
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