flateliners

Part of me just wants to go, wants to get out, maybe disappear completely. I just don't want to be here, I don't know if its this town, state or country, I fear. Sometimes I feel like its just life I want to bear. with slain eyes full of pain, its not rare, i simply cannot restrain the rain.

I feel like a fool now, in this world of teenagers having sex after starting high school. I am the only man I've ever heard of in reality, that waited for the one. I wanted it to be new for both of us, with somebody I had so much in common with. That's the only experience I wanted to have, now it seems to have passed me by. I just feel left behind now. Sick of seeing everybody else enjoying the only thing I ever wanted, wondering why and for what reason, it is unattainable for me. I'm staying positive, but its really hard to care about anything, at all, lately. Lifting, school work(barely), and my friends who i never see anymore are the only things I have to look forward too. I can't even seem to get a date with a girl close to my age. sometimes I just wonder, if there is a life after death, what it would be like to die, just too see how many people really do miss you when you are, truly, gone.